White Wolf 4 Dec 09

White Wolf
Dec 4, 2009 – Seattle Matrix

I am with someone and we are doing something. After we are finished, we are outside and I am looking in the direction of a home next door to us. Seated and looking directly at me is this beautiful, big, white wolf. He is snow white with gray-colored tips on his ears. He continues to look at me, then gets up and moves toward me.

I am lucid and know that I am dreaming and I am trying to remember what happened directly before seeing the wolf. Suddenly I hear someone knocking on my hotel room door. There are three distinct knocks. I come fully into a waking state. I lay there wondering who could be at my door at 6am in the morning. I waited. There were no more knocks so I go back again to try to remember what I was doing before I saw the white wolf.

Suddenly I am standing curbside and it seems a little like it was the night before standing at the airport hotel shuttle pick up only the vehicles are arriving in the opposite direction than they were last night. Several cars and one dirty white van are driving toward me. The white van looks dirty as if it had been driving through dirty snow. It was cold. The van pulls up to the curb where I am standing and the driver is delivering some message or some thing to me.

Again, I try to go back to remember what I was doing before I saw the white wolf and to remember who was with me. Suddenly, I am standing in front of a white door. When I try to open the door, the door is locked. All this time, I am lucid, but it doesn’t seem like I am dreaming. It seems as if I have having these visions, one after the other, but I continue to interested in remembering what transpired before I saw the white wolf.

Suddenly, I am in front of the white door again, but this time I have a key in my hand and I place it in the door lock. But the key will not turn the lock. Again I try to return to my dream and remember what was transpiring before I saw the white wolf and who I was with. Again, I am standing in front of the white door. The key is still in the lock. I try to turn the key again. This time, the key turns, the door unlocks and I turn the door know and open the door a crack. I turn to someone who is standing to my left. I cannot really see this person, it’s more like there’s a presence next to me. And I say to this person, “Oh my God, the door is open.” I am excited to see what’s on the other side of the door, but I am somewhat apprehensive too. I know that this is MY door, and it scares me a little to find what is on the other side.

Then I receive this message from this voice belonging to someone I cannot see. The message is this:

“This is exactly how it works, Kim. This is exactly what it feels like to two-point and wait for something to show up. This is it. This is your reference. There is no forcing something to show itself, it simply shows itself. Just allow it to happen. It is quite simple really, you do not have to force something to show up; it just will. It will just show up. It will always show up. There is no reason to doubt YOURSELF or scold yourself or anything resembling this type of self-degrading thought process that you practice. Practice this.”

Then I asked the question, “Who IS this. Who is speaking?”

I received the answer, but it was written or rather scrawled across a piece of paper, or perhaps the screen of my mind’s eye was the paper. And it said,

Y O U S E L F

When I came fully back to a waking consciousness, at first I thought that the letters spelled, YOUR ELF. And I thought, OMG, I have an Elf. How neat. But something wasn’t quite right with this. There was no “R” in the letters, there was an “S” after the “U.” And still, I couldn’t quite decipher. YOUS ELF didn’t make sense to me. It wasn’t until after I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, came back into the bedroom, that it hit me and I started laughing. It’s me that’s speaking to me. I suspect that it’s the me behind that door, that me who knows who I really am; that me who knows how everything works, that me who knows all that is to my highest good; that me who loves me.