I did a Matrix session with myself yesterday and I actually asked for something for myself. Typically, when I do a session with myself, I don't state anything specific. I just let go and work with whatever shows up. But yesterday I asked for something specific. After the session with myself, I fell asleep and had one of those deep, deep sleeps, feeling really, really heavy when I woke up. And I was really confused as to where I was and what time of day it was, too. I woke up totally thinking it was the next morning because I heard the generator come on. But, the light in the room seemed different. It took me several minutes to realize what day and time it was. But, I remembered some things from my nap.
I remembered that I wasn't alone. I remembered that I kept seeing these words on either a piece of paper or on a computer screen. I couldn't really tell but I tend to think the words were on a computer screen. These were some sort of formulas or configurations and they had to do with me. And I felt as though "others" were working to reconfigure or reformulate me in accordance to my request.
Then this morning when I woke up, again I felt this heaviness, like I had been somewhere else in the early morning hours. And like there were "others" working with me. It hit me how powerful this is.
Now, it's about Noon and I just feel so raw inside. I am extremely emotional. Even though I sort of feel like I could lash out because I feel so raw, I also recognize that I have felt like this before and this usually occurs when I am in the middle of shifting something, some unseen and unknown part of myself to a better place, a more useful place. Just a few minutes ago, I just grabbed my manager, put my arms around him, and held him close to me. I told him how much I loved him and how much I appreciate him. And I felt like my heart would break, but really, it's just my heart expanding.
Sometimes when my heart expands, I want to lash out because what I am feeling is so intense. But I know that I have this lashing out tendency only because it feels so different and that's just the label I put on it. I just know that God is not orchestrating this shift in me in order for me to lash out. He is orchestrating this shift in me to Love, to Love more, and more deeply, especially to appreciate the love in ME, the love I have for myself. I just have to step back a little and consider that this shift is to my highest good and it's always about Love in one way or another, even though it feels like something else.
And I am reminded of that story I told about this in my Veronica's Whisper series on http://veronicaswhisper.blogspot.com. I remember screaming at God, "Why do I feel so sad all the time. I can't live like this. What's this all about?" And he replied "It's love. It's love. I just make it feel like sadness to get your attention." And that experience gave me the perspective to view these shifts that feel like sadness or rawness or anger in a different way........from Love.
Showing posts with label dream messages. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream messages. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Sunday, December 6, 2009
House on the Beach 6 Dec 09
House on the Beach
6 Dec 09 – Seattle Matrix
The first thing that comes to me as I come into a partial consciousness, is that all night long I have been practicing how to let my hair down. In my dream, I am quite literally letting my hair down.
Then I am on a beach with brown sand, different from where we live in Xcalak.
Then I am somewhere else and I see this small beach house, built up on stilts. I see that if it was cleaned up a little bit, that it would be adorable. And I see that it appears to be unoccupied. So I begin cleaning up the trash outside. Then I move inside and begin cleaning up the trash inside, tidying up and making it look nice. This seems to take me a few days.
When I return to the house one morning to continue, the door is already open, and from beach level I can see inside the house. But there is another inside door open revealing another room. I can see a floor heater. I can see flames coming up from this trough of flames. There’s a little piece of paper and it was so close to the flames that I worried a little that it could catch fire and burn down the house. There’s a lovely, oval, antique table sitting over the floor heater. It has a large, homemade doily on top of the table and there are knick-knacks and family photos in wooden frames atop the table. There are other things that catch my eye that tell me that whoever lives here has put a lot of love into this part of the house. There’s a homey feeling here. And there’s love and tender care here, too. I am seeing this tiny slice of someone’s life here in this little beach house and I am in disbelief that I have been working around and inside someone elses house and they never said anything to me. I assumed that the house was empty, because it seemed that way to me.
As I am leaving this place, rather reluctantly, a couple drives up and they are inquiring about renting out a room. The seem to think it’s a bed and breakfast. It seems as though I am trying to work out some way to accommodate them in a house that’s not mine, when I wake up.
6 Dec 09 – Seattle Matrix
The first thing that comes to me as I come into a partial consciousness, is that all night long I have been practicing how to let my hair down. In my dream, I am quite literally letting my hair down.
Then I am on a beach with brown sand, different from where we live in Xcalak.
Then I am somewhere else and I see this small beach house, built up on stilts. I see that if it was cleaned up a little bit, that it would be adorable. And I see that it appears to be unoccupied. So I begin cleaning up the trash outside. Then I move inside and begin cleaning up the trash inside, tidying up and making it look nice. This seems to take me a few days.
When I return to the house one morning to continue, the door is already open, and from beach level I can see inside the house. But there is another inside door open revealing another room. I can see a floor heater. I can see flames coming up from this trough of flames. There’s a little piece of paper and it was so close to the flames that I worried a little that it could catch fire and burn down the house. There’s a lovely, oval, antique table sitting over the floor heater. It has a large, homemade doily on top of the table and there are knick-knacks and family photos in wooden frames atop the table. There are other things that catch my eye that tell me that whoever lives here has put a lot of love into this part of the house. There’s a homey feeling here. And there’s love and tender care here, too. I am seeing this tiny slice of someone’s life here in this little beach house and I am in disbelief that I have been working around and inside someone elses house and they never said anything to me. I assumed that the house was empty, because it seemed that way to me.
As I am leaving this place, rather reluctantly, a couple drives up and they are inquiring about renting out a room. The seem to think it’s a bed and breakfast. It seems as though I am trying to work out some way to accommodate them in a house that’s not mine, when I wake up.
Friday, December 4, 2009
White Wolf 4 Dec 09
White Wolf
Dec 4, 2009 – Seattle Matrix
I am with someone and we are doing something. After we are finished, we are outside and I am looking in the direction of a home next door to us. Seated and looking directly at me is this beautiful, big, white wolf. He is snow white with gray-colored tips on his ears. He continues to look at me, then gets up and moves toward me.
I am lucid and know that I am dreaming and I am trying to remember what happened directly before seeing the wolf. Suddenly I hear someone knocking on my hotel room door. There are three distinct knocks. I come fully into a waking state. I lay there wondering who could be at my door at 6am in the morning. I waited. There were no more knocks so I go back again to try to remember what I was doing before I saw the white wolf.
Suddenly I am standing curbside and it seems a little like it was the night before standing at the airport hotel shuttle pick up only the vehicles are arriving in the opposite direction than they were last night. Several cars and one dirty white van are driving toward me. The white van looks dirty as if it had been driving through dirty snow. It was cold. The van pulls up to the curb where I am standing and the driver is delivering some message or some thing to me.
Again, I try to go back to remember what I was doing before I saw the white wolf and to remember who was with me. Suddenly, I am standing in front of a white door. When I try to open the door, the door is locked. All this time, I am lucid, but it doesn’t seem like I am dreaming. It seems as if I have having these visions, one after the other, but I continue to interested in remembering what transpired before I saw the white wolf.
Suddenly, I am in front of the white door again, but this time I have a key in my hand and I place it in the door lock. But the key will not turn the lock. Again I try to return to my dream and remember what was transpiring before I saw the white wolf and who I was with. Again, I am standing in front of the white door. The key is still in the lock. I try to turn the key again. This time, the key turns, the door unlocks and I turn the door know and open the door a crack. I turn to someone who is standing to my left. I cannot really see this person, it’s more like there’s a presence next to me. And I say to this person, “Oh my God, the door is open.” I am excited to see what’s on the other side of the door, but I am somewhat apprehensive too. I know that this is MY door, and it scares me a little to find what is on the other side.
Then I receive this message from this voice belonging to someone I cannot see. The message is this:
“This is exactly how it works, Kim. This is exactly what it feels like to two-point and wait for something to show up. This is it. This is your reference. There is no forcing something to show itself, it simply shows itself. Just allow it to happen. It is quite simple really, you do not have to force something to show up; it just will. It will just show up. It will always show up. There is no reason to doubt YOURSELF or scold yourself or anything resembling this type of self-degrading thought process that you practice. Practice this.”
Then I asked the question, “Who IS this. Who is speaking?”
I received the answer, but it was written or rather scrawled across a piece of paper, or perhaps the screen of my mind’s eye was the paper. And it said,
Y O U S E L F
When I came fully back to a waking consciousness, at first I thought that the letters spelled, YOUR ELF. And I thought, OMG, I have an Elf. How neat. But something wasn’t quite right with this. There was no “R” in the letters, there was an “S” after the “U.” And still, I couldn’t quite decipher. YOUS ELF didn’t make sense to me. It wasn’t until after I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, came back into the bedroom, that it hit me and I started laughing. It’s me that’s speaking to me. I suspect that it’s the me behind that door, that me who knows who I really am; that me who knows how everything works, that me who knows all that is to my highest good; that me who loves me.
Dec 4, 2009 – Seattle Matrix
I am with someone and we are doing something. After we are finished, we are outside and I am looking in the direction of a home next door to us. Seated and looking directly at me is this beautiful, big, white wolf. He is snow white with gray-colored tips on his ears. He continues to look at me, then gets up and moves toward me.
I am lucid and know that I am dreaming and I am trying to remember what happened directly before seeing the wolf. Suddenly I hear someone knocking on my hotel room door. There are three distinct knocks. I come fully into a waking state. I lay there wondering who could be at my door at 6am in the morning. I waited. There were no more knocks so I go back again to try to remember what I was doing before I saw the white wolf.
Suddenly I am standing curbside and it seems a little like it was the night before standing at the airport hotel shuttle pick up only the vehicles are arriving in the opposite direction than they were last night. Several cars and one dirty white van are driving toward me. The white van looks dirty as if it had been driving through dirty snow. It was cold. The van pulls up to the curb where I am standing and the driver is delivering some message or some thing to me.
Again, I try to go back to remember what I was doing before I saw the white wolf and to remember who was with me. Suddenly, I am standing in front of a white door. When I try to open the door, the door is locked. All this time, I am lucid, but it doesn’t seem like I am dreaming. It seems as if I have having these visions, one after the other, but I continue to interested in remembering what transpired before I saw the white wolf.
Suddenly, I am in front of the white door again, but this time I have a key in my hand and I place it in the door lock. But the key will not turn the lock. Again I try to return to my dream and remember what was transpiring before I saw the white wolf and who I was with. Again, I am standing in front of the white door. The key is still in the lock. I try to turn the key again. This time, the key turns, the door unlocks and I turn the door know and open the door a crack. I turn to someone who is standing to my left. I cannot really see this person, it’s more like there’s a presence next to me. And I say to this person, “Oh my God, the door is open.” I am excited to see what’s on the other side of the door, but I am somewhat apprehensive too. I know that this is MY door, and it scares me a little to find what is on the other side.
Then I receive this message from this voice belonging to someone I cannot see. The message is this:
“This is exactly how it works, Kim. This is exactly what it feels like to two-point and wait for something to show up. This is it. This is your reference. There is no forcing something to show itself, it simply shows itself. Just allow it to happen. It is quite simple really, you do not have to force something to show up; it just will. It will just show up. It will always show up. There is no reason to doubt YOURSELF or scold yourself or anything resembling this type of self-degrading thought process that you practice. Practice this.”
Then I asked the question, “Who IS this. Who is speaking?”
I received the answer, but it was written or rather scrawled across a piece of paper, or perhaps the screen of my mind’s eye was the paper. And it said,
Y O U S E L F
When I came fully back to a waking consciousness, at first I thought that the letters spelled, YOUR ELF. And I thought, OMG, I have an Elf. How neat. But something wasn’t quite right with this. There was no “R” in the letters, there was an “S” after the “U.” And still, I couldn’t quite decipher. YOUS ELF didn’t make sense to me. It wasn’t until after I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, came back into the bedroom, that it hit me and I started laughing. It’s me that’s speaking to me. I suspect that it’s the me behind that door, that me who knows who I really am; that me who knows how everything works, that me who knows all that is to my highest good; that me who loves me.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Dreams of a Mystic
I've journaled my dreams and visions for years and years.
Beginning on Friday, November 20th around 2:45 AM, I started running a fever. It was around 102 degrees for three nights and three days. And for three consecutive nights, I had this dream that I was posting my dreams in a blog. Even when I would awaken, in my feverish state, I would bookmark the dream in my mind until I was functioning better, so that I could access the dream blog.
Even this morning, feeling better, with no fever, I began looking for my dream blog. The dream was so vivid that I was certain that I had been posting my dreams in a dream blog.
So, with the discovery that no dream blog existed, except in my dream, I endeavor to create one here, finally, for all to see.
Be Well and Dream Well All,
Blessings,
Kim
Beginning on Friday, November 20th around 2:45 AM, I started running a fever. It was around 102 degrees for three nights and three days. And for three consecutive nights, I had this dream that I was posting my dreams in a blog. Even when I would awaken, in my feverish state, I would bookmark the dream in my mind until I was functioning better, so that I could access the dream blog.
Even this morning, feeling better, with no fever, I began looking for my dream blog. The dream was so vivid that I was certain that I had been posting my dreams in a dream blog.
So, with the discovery that no dream blog existed, except in my dream, I endeavor to create one here, finally, for all to see.
Be Well and Dream Well All,
Blessings,
Kim
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