Boy on the Silver Table

 
I am in this room that seems very sterile.  I see this little boy lying on his side on a silver table.  And I think it's Kyron Horman.  He is naked. He is lying on his left side and his knees are slightly bent up, not quite a fetal position, but natural, like he's just sleeping. His right arm is naturally bent a little and lying out beside him and his other arm is tucked under his body.  

And it seems that this is a coroner's table or a place where bodies are processed for evidence, because beside his little body, all laid out around him are articles of clothing, and other items that were found with him.  These are all organized and laid out in a circle around his body.  

As I look at his little body, I really want him to be dressed.  He just looks so vulnerable lying there naked.  And in a moment, some unknown force is dressing him, one article of clothing at a time.  And I realize that it was the force of me that did this, and I thought of the girl in the forest again and thought this must be some kind of ability I brought back with me from that experience.




When I began waking from this dream, I was caused to remember additional things.

I was caused to remember the thing that happened last night around 9pm here on the property.  The big Mommy Doe brought her twins back.  This is the first time I've seen them since before my kids got here in June.  So it's been awhile.  Even though it was getting pretty dark outside, I saw them clearly.  

But there's something really curious about the twins.  In June, one was bigger than the other, but not so much so.  They looked fairly even in size, although one was bigger.  But last night, OMG, I couldn't believe the difference.  The bigger one is so big now that it really looks like a small, adult deer.  But the other twin is still about the size he/she was in June.  I mean, really tiny.  

After my dream, something came to me about appearances and about perceptions, but I can't really remember the exact message.  The other thing was something about, even though twins might start out looking and seeming identical, they can grow to become something that doesn't even remotely resemble one to the other.  Something like that.  

Nonetheless, I was happy to see them together.  BTW, the little one is just that, just little, but certainly quite active, romping and playing and kicking up it's heals.  So it seems perfectly healthy and VERY playful.  

But the bigger twin....OMG, you cannot believe how big this fawn is.  Still has it's spots and everything, but HUGE.  Dave, my husband,  actually saw it by itself in the yard the other night.  He told me then that he THOUGHT it was a fawn, but thought better of it because it was so huge.  

I still think this deer and twin thing that keeps coming up has something to do with Kyron. 

Indian Girl in the Forest

I am out in the forest, in a small, cleared area.  There's a girl with me.  I know her.  She looks somewhere between 15 and 18 years old.  She has black hair, parted in the middle and tied back at her neck.  We are under some sort of make-shift shelter, like four wooden posts and a canvas or something over the top.  There's a small table and she is sitting on a small, low-to-the-ground stool.  She looks like a young American Indian to me.  

We are talking and she begins to tell me something.  And I think that what she's going to say is going to spoil some surprise for me. I don't know what it is, but it's something like if someone tells you that you're going to have a surprise birthday party and they spoil the surprise.  This wasn't it, but something along these lines.  

As she begins to speak, I hold up my right hand and say, "No, no, no, don't tell me.  Don's tell me."  But she doesn't stop talking, she continues.  When I hear what it is she is telling me, I stop protesting and listen.  And what she has told me is the information, important information in a dream that I've forgotten.  And suddenly, the dream and the information in that dream comes flooding back to me.  And she recounts my dream back to me in such detail, it becomes so profound, that I can no longer contain myself. 

I look at her, look into her eyes, and I feel the most incredible connection to her.  To everything.  And I begin to sob so profoundly that I cannot catch my breath.  The emotion that I feel, and the connection that I feel......well words are insufficient to describe.  

Then something strange happens and I will do my best to explain what happens next.  As I am coming out of this dream and I am realizing that I am lying in bed, I feel this sensation in my head.  I can actually FEEL this sensation in my head that I have been held in this space to experience this with this girl, that I have been held in this space by some unknown force or power to that I could experience this.  And I can actually FEEL the force or power release me so that I can return to this consciousness, the consciousness of lying in bed. This was so powerful.  

The only words that I can remember from the dream that she was recounting for me are:  Live Her.  This was the only thing I was able to bring back. 


When I begin to full waken, I am reminded of two things. 
 
I am reminded of that dream I had in Playa del Carmen Mexico one time.  It was an audio.  It was, "Find the area of your Tribe."  I thought about this and I think I have found the area of my Tribe.  It's here.  In Ohio.  This is the area of my Tribe.  And I am feeling more and more each day that my work in Mexico is coming to an end.

On the Run with a Family that's not Mine

23 July 2010
I am traveling with this family.  There seems to be a mom, dad and some other children.  It seems we might be "on the run" or traveling across country to go to another place where we are not known to people.  I am a boy.  The family is not my own.  It seems as though I know some of them.  It's not a terrible situation, but I don't understand why I am with this family and just want to go home.  It seems like I might have been told that I was going on vacation with them.  

For the night, we have checked into this motel along the road we're on.  The motel is right next to the road.  It seems like it's a really small town, like a one gas station kind of town.  There's this really long, wooden foot locker that we keep all our clothes in.  It's very heavy and cumbersome to get in and out of the vehicle we're in.  I don't recall the vehicle.  The footlocker has been placed at the end of one of the beds in the room.  It's open and gobs of clothes are in it and hanging off the sides of the open lid.  There's also a brass colored latch with a turn thing so it can be secured.  The room is a mess with everyone's clothes lying around.  And the motel seems old and dated to me, even though I'm a little boy.  

Across the street is some sort of attraction and the parents decide we are going to go over there.  We all walk across the road and there's a building, looks like a house and it seems to be a dark red color.  We walk in the door and the room is full of these black goats.  At first I think they are dogs, but they're goats.  As soon as we walk in, all the goats run to us, it feels almost like an assault.  And the goats grab hold of one of our fingers and they start sucking on our fingers.  And they suck so strong that you cannot get free from them.  At first, I think this is kind of fun, different and kind of cool.  But when I can't get free it ceases to be fun.  And even when I do get free, there's another goat assaulting me for my finger.  I don't like it.  The goats are doing to same thing to everyone.  At some point this begins to feel sexual to me, and I don't like it at all.  They are still just sucking on my fingers but there's something about it that feels sexual.

When I revisit this dream after I wake up, I think of Kyron Horman.  I hope he's alive and well and just on the run with a family who will care for him.  

Fat Roll, Stretchmarks and Freedom - 26 April 2010

I am sitting comfortably in a chair.  I have unbottoned and unzipped my shorts to be more comfortable.  I seem to be sitting by a swimming pool at a hotel or resort of some kind.  My T-shirt is slightly above my belly, exposing this fat roll that I have, also exposing the stretchmarks on my belly.  Suddenly this man dressed in all black approaches me and stands to my left looking down at me and my exposed belly.  He grimaces as he sees my fat roll and my stretchmarks.  He rolls his eyes like I disgust him.  I say to him, "Yes, you are looking upon a woman, an all-woman woman, who has also had a child.  What?  You've never seen an all-woman woman before?  He rolls his eyes again and walks away.  I think to myself, "Thank goodness my husband doesn't regard me in this manner."

Then I see the man go to a group of three other younger men. They are also all dressed in black.  He says something to them and they all look in my direction, and they all grimace as they look at me.

Suddenly I am in our newly remodeled house, and I am standing in our new kitchen making a pot of coffee.  Suddenly I just want to get naked, shed all my clothes and just run around naked.  I do and this feels so good, so freeing, so liberating and it makes me feel joyful and free.  End of dream.

Where's Stella? 25 April 2010

I am in a car and my manager, Eduardo, is driving.  Two women are in the front seat, but turned around in their seats so that they are facing me.  They are so happy.  They are a couple and are excited because they are getting married.  They are laughing and sharing their happiness with me.

Suddenly I realize that my dog, Stella, is not with us.  I ask Eduardo where she is.  He tells me he will take me where he left her.  I am not very happy hearing this.  Eduardo pulls up to this huge brick building and he pulls in so closely that I barely have room to squeeze in between the car and the back door to this building.  There are actually two, big, black metal doors and they are locked.  I don't know what this building is really, but I have a key on my key chain that unlocks this door.  I use my key and go inside.  I begin calling my dog.  "Stella, Stella!"  About 6 or 8 other dogs show up and sniff me, wagging their tails, but none are my dog, Stella.

I ask Eduardo, "Where did you leave her?"  He tells me that he left her in the basement.  So I go downstairs into the basement and begin calling.  I see these small groups of teenagers in these classrooms and in the hallways.  I am thinking that this building is a school of some description.  All the kids are dressed in black and seem quite serious.  Then I think better of the school idea and think perhaps that this building is about something else altogether, but I don't know what.  And I am not really liking how this building feels, and wonder why I have a key that unlocks its doors.   I continue to call Stella but she never comes and the dream fades.

There is Nothing Left For You Here Anymore - 24 April 2010

I am in this very primitive building.  It has dirt floors and is very, very rustic.  There is something being filmed in this location, a television series.  I am on the production crew and part of the craft service serving the food to the actors.  I am particularly in charge of the principles in the TV series, that is,  the "Stars of the Show."  We are on break and the two actors on the set decide to simply eat on the set instead of going back to their trailers.  So, I begin setting up a nice place for them to eat.  The last scene they shot was on an office set.  As I brought in the napkins and the eating utensils, I happened to glance over at the main actor and she already had everything.  This confused me.  I was in charge, yet someone had already given this actor her eating utensils.  She was trying to hide these from me, so I wouldn't find out who had preceded me. 

When I walked back off-set, it seemed like the director, producer and the film crew were playing back and commenting on what they had shot that morning.  A crowd had gathered around the film crew (these seemed to be people off the street), and everyone seemed to be an expert.  They were all giving their opinions, saying, "They should do this, they could've done that, and on and on."  I was busy for the most part, and just worked around this crowd of about 10 people.  One of them was the UPS man or a postman.  The rest were simply people off the street.

The next thing I knew I was on the ground.  I was trying to bury some coffee cups, exactly like the ones we use in our restaurant in Mexico.  Even though I was the one doing this, I didn't know why on earth I was on the ground trying to bury coffee cups, and with my bare hands.  At one point I even tried to break up the hardened ground with my own teeth.  Something didn't seem right and I didn't feel like myself.  Suddenly I start feeling really weird and I don't think I can even hold myself up any longer.  I keep hearing this woman's voice in my left ear.  She is saying over and over again, "There's nothing left for you here anymore.  There's nothing left for you here anymore."

Suddenly I have fallen over onto my side.  My eyes and mouth are wide open.  I leave my body and look at myself.  I have this grotesque look on my face.  I realize that I am dying and I can still hear this woman beside me continuing to tell me that there's nothing left for me here anymore.  Suddenly, I see Dave, my husband, come to my side.  And he begins to cry, then sob and I can see how sad he feels that I am dying.  I continue to hear this woman's voice.  Then, somehow, I get enough strength to sit up.  I want to shut this woman up who's talking to me.  I see a box of tissues.  I begin stuffing this woman's mouth with tissues.  Actually, after awhile, there didn't seem to be a body connected to the voice, just this big set of what looked like, dentures, lying on the ground beside my partially buried coffee cups.  I am still filling the woman's dentures with big wads of tissues when I wake up.

Deep Water - 20 April 2010

I am in deep, deep, beautiful, aquamarine water.  I am swimming up toward the surface of the water.  My eyes are open.  I am calm and comfortable in the water.  As I near the surface of the water, I suddenly have this knowing that in the time it's taken me to make this journey to the surface of the water (less than a minute, it seemed like), I realize that I have lived my entire 58 years in this short space of time.  It's as if all that I have ever lived took less than a minute of time.

I feel quite alive as I am leisurely swimming up toward the surface, but once I have this realization, that in this short space of time, I have lived and experienced my 58 years, I wonder to myself if I am actually dead.  I am literally inches from the surface and I suddenly have the additional awareness that I am lying in my bed dreaming all this.  My focus changes to my body lying in my bed dreaming, and I actually wonder if I have died sometime during this experience, and I am not at all sure that I am alive.  Further, I wonder that even if I wake up from this experience with full consciousness, I will have to wonder if I haven't already died.